


Inside Their Skin

by celestialskiff



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Body Hair, Dax's past hosts, Ezri Dax/past hosts, Masturbation, Multi, Self-Discovery, Symbionts, Trills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialskiff/pseuds/celestialskiff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ezri Tigan never masturbated. Ezri Dax, desperately trying to keep up with the flood of new memories, keeps waking up hot and flushed and needs some kind of release.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inside Their Skin

Ezri Tigan did not masturbate. She looked at men, and sometimes women, on New Sydney and admired their smiles or their eyes or the way they held themselves. She imagined them touching her, and it made her feel warm and flushed, but she never wanted to slide her hand inside her panties. 

She'd tried a couple of times when she was in her teens. In the shower, she'd run her fingers over her nipples or slide a finger inside herself. It felt awkward and uncomfortable. She pinched her clitoris and it hurt. She wondered what she was doing wrong. She sometimes heard one of her brothers in the next room—thump, thump, thump, gasp—and thought maybe it just wasn't something girls did. 

And that was fine. She didn't think about it very often. She'd decided long ago that relationships would come later. First she had to graduate in the top five percent of her class, then she would go to Starfleet. She didn't have time to imagine warm hands on her skin, brown eyes, breath against her neck. 

*

Ezri Dax woke up flushed. It took her a moment to figure out whether this body was male or female. It took a moment to remember where she was, what had happened, where the bathroom was. 

Sometimes she woke from bad dreams: there were screams, phaser fire, shuttle accidents. There was her mother telling her she was worthless. It was all new and old at the same time. 

And then—

She leant her head against the shower wall. Hot water streamed over her eyelids. 

_Then_ there were the other dreams. Worf's hands digging into Jadzia's ass, his skin beneath her fingernails as she raked them down his spine, his mouth sucking a bruise onto her breast. Curzon pulling apart Daniel's cheeks, kissing the back of his neck, the human gasping softly as Curzon thrust inside. Torias between Nilani's thighs, this their first time, parting her wiry hairs with his nose, breathing her in, circling his tongue around her clitoris, listening to the sounds she made, her taste—

Ezri Dax tried to masturbate. She slid her hands down between her thighs, for a moment uncertain whether she had a cock or a vulva. Her hand dipped inwards—soft, hot folds of flesh. Oh, but she was wet! Ezri Tigan had never been wet like this. Her fingers skidded over the silky surface. She was amazed by the wetness. 

Her body begged her for more, more. 

Jadzia knew how to masturbate; so did Audrid, so did Emony. Audrid would have taken down the shower head, run the hot spray over her clit, bracing herself against the wall with one arm. Emony remembered standing at the very edge of a crowded shuttle, sliding fingers cold from the artificial air under her skirt, and up, and up. She remembered sharp nails against her clitoris, the sudden, bright shock. Ezri could feel Emony's gasps in her throat. 

She switched off the shower; she scrubbed herself dry on the thin, Starfleet issue towel. She rubbed it between her legs and it sent a dull throb through her. She didn't know what to do with her hands. She didn't know how to feel anything other than small and embarrassed and incompetent. 

Curzon privately agreed that vulvas were confusing; Torias remembered sliding fingers into velvety heat; Emony thought about surgeon's hands. 

Jadzia guided her to the bed. Jadzia's memories—Worf's hands, his bruising grip on her, fucking with a bat'leth at their side, broken bones, the pleasure she took in besting him—frightened Ezri sometimes. She'd never known much about Klingons. She'd thought sex, mutual, pleasurable sex, had to be tender. Jadzia's memories weren't like that. 

But it was Jadzia who led her to the bed. She lay on her stomach, and ran her nails over her thighs, over the cleft of her buttocks. It sent a tremor of feeling through her, lust and need mixed together. She hadn't been expecting it. She spread her legs. She pressed her face against the pillow and smelt her own hair there. It was pleasantly musky. She ran her fingers over her inner thighs, slowly, circling the smooth skin. There were soft, dark hairs at the very top of her thighs and around her vulva, extending to her anus. Jadzia sent her fingers through them, caressing them, giving them the lightest tug. 

She bucked down towards her own hand, surprising herself. Torias suggested she slide her fingers straight inside. Audrid wanted her to rub her nipples. Jadzia guided her hand slowly upwards, playing with her pussy lips. A shiver of pure _wanting_ ran through her. She whimpered, the sound surprising her in the still room. 

Ezri felt embarrassed again. Doing this by herself—she knew it was natural, she'd even encouraged a nervous ensign to explore how own body more— somehow just felt silly. She felt exposed. She fisted a nervous hand in her pillow. Lela remembered being anxious too. She remembered hiding under the bedsheets, orange oblongs of light on the ceiling, cast by the lamps outside. Lela remembered the wetness between her thighs, the strangeness of it. She remembered sliding her hand down, grinding against her fingers through her pyjama bottoms. 

Lela remember the sweet rush of pleasure. 

The wet pyjamas, the shivering orange light, Lela's soft gasp in her quiet bedroom—Ezri's pussy throbbed in answering arousal. Her past host's memories never seemed to lose their heat. 

Lela guided her hand to her hipbone. Emony suggested she roll onto her side. Jadzia made her rub her stomach in slow, soothing circles, getting lower and lower. Ezri ran her fingers through her pubic hair. Torias thought of Nilani, her flushed face, her choked gasp, and Ezri ran her thumb along the edge of her clitoris. The feeling was so intense it was almost an unpleasant. She felt a buzzing sensation all through her stomach. 

Further down. Her thumb sliding through the sweet wetness to the entrance of her vagina. She was _so wet_. Lela remembered being this wet when she was growing up, when she was learning how her body worked. Ezri didn't think she'd ever been so wet before. Jadzia thought of Nilani, of Lenara, and Ezri imagined the elegant face, warm body contained in her arms, damp mouth on her skin. A shudder of longing ran through Ezri: it reached every part of her. 

She slid her index finger inside and rocked against it. Faster, said Torias, gentle but desperate. Slow, slow, whispered Tobin, nervous and loving. 

Ezri felt held by them all, by their urgent voices, by their flood of memories and love. She suddenly forgave them for their confusing pronouns, for their lifetimes of too much beauty and too much pain. They whispered and they held her, and they _were_ her. 

She bucked against her hand, suddenly confident. She was making love to herself. She was making love to Dax. She was making love to all of them at once. Two fingers inside—suddenly she wasn't embarrassed. She didn't feel exposed by the soft, needy sounds she made. With her right hand, the hand that wasn't exploring the inner ridges of her vagina, she stroked her breasts. She'd never really thought about her breasts before—they were just _there_ —but suddenly they were alive with sensation, her vulva clenching in pleasure when she squeezed a nipple. 

The memories filled her—a flood of images—of lovers, of love, of open mouths and gasping women, of a Nilani, at fifty, kissing the inside of her wrist, of Worf underneath her, his wrists trapped in her hand, of all of them—

They ran through her, and she let each image fill her mind, and then she let each image recede. She was Dax and her skin was alive with sensation. She was alive with herself. Two fingers, sliding in and out, and when her thumb found her clit this time it sent a pulse of overwhelming pleasure through. She stroked a nipple. She gasped. Her breath was rough in her throat. 

When she came, she felt like her muscles were leaking all over the bed, like she had lost the lines of herself. She thought she'd come before, but she hadn't, not really, never like this. 

She sat up, thighs damp, muscles trembling, sheets clinging to her. She hugged herself, feeling her smooth skin, appreciating her softness, the edges of her form. 

Next time, Jadzia's memories said, you should try putting a fingers in your ass. I'll show you how. That made Ezri laugh to herself, and she brought her hand to her mouth. Tasting herself had never crossed her mind before, but here she was, licking her fingers, salt and musk and skin. 

Next time, Ezri thought. Next time. She felt whole.


End file.
